Been awhile...

So I don't think anyone is checking this thing anymore, but I am writing more for myself anyway.

So I was thinking and these are just thoughts that I have been having, not advice or from a scripture I've been meditating on. I was thinking joy is birthed out of great pain. For me, I can only be grateful for Jesus and what he's done and who he is because he took me to a place where all I saw was my pain, ashes, sin from my life. The joy didn't just appear, it came from staring at him and knowing he's the only thing that can take my pain away. Honestly, as he has filled it, it has only been enough to make me long for more. My heart aches even more than it did in the beginning. So I believe as he stretches me and I groan in pain he will fill it. He's wounded me, ruined me for anything else. I must be filled and satisfied by Jesus' love, the Father's love.

I have experienced so much joy, greater joy than I could ever imagine and I know it's only the beginning. But it came at a high price.
I also think that we always pray for our souls to be restored. My sin nature has corrupted my soul and it's his Spirit living inside of me that restores me but I have to pray for it to manifest in my life.

Being that I understand now that I was in the depths, the mire, the pit and he has raised me, filled me and healed me to the uttermost my heart is grateful. It's so easy to forget sometimes. He's been so good to me. I hated his ways, I hated the truth, his holiness. I wanted to run from it. I truly was offended by God and his ways. I wanted to run my life. But he is jealous for me and he won't let me go. Jesus is bigger than my hatred, than my wickedness. In Psalm 18 it talks about how God keeps our lamps burning and turns our darkness into light. I can't believe that the person I hated wants to restore me, has mercy on me, actually gives me joy, actually turns my wickedness into righteousness!

Anyways, those are some thoughts I been having...