Unlocking a heart

I'm not really sure where to start with this post. It's really more my life story, but I want to share how the Lord has been moving my heart in such a way that I not contain it anymore.


Over the last month I have been asking the Lord how do people continue to have open and soft hearts towards him day after day, year after year when life seems to beat us up and even in our best efforts we drift from him. I had this revelation in the prayer room today...that I have been trying to get to God without receiving His love and his delight in me. I have been trying to clean up my heart and go the long way which is really destruction. I have stayed at a distance in shame and fear that he would not want me anymore, that he finally got annoyed with me and gave up on forming me into his image. Pain, despair and self-pity have a way of blinding us of what is in front of us. As I have been staying in the prayer room for hours day after day it was like the Lord said, "are you ready to let me in again?" My heart lept with a YES!!! I know that I am made for love and I have felt deprived. Reality, Jesus has love for me every minute of every day that I have access to if I will let him love me. So I will let Him love me for it sets me free.

I'm building His house of prayer

Last week I attended a House of Prayer leadership summit and it totally rocked my world. I went on the verge of wanting to give up and left knowing that I am called to build the Lord's house, a place of His dwelling, a place of His presence, a place of prayer. I want to explain that I had been told by others that if the Lord had not set me (specifically called me) to build His house to not try because the spiritual warfare is too much. As I have transitioned and now have been in the Oak Lawn area for over 3 weeks I know this to be incredibly true. I am in a war of light against darkness. All areas of my life seem to have blown up and have been under attack.
I know, that I know, that I know, that I know, that I know that the Lord has put me here as He has given me the word of the Lord. He has spoken to me that I am called to do this and I have been anointed to lead in this way.
It still amazes me how just hearing God's voice changes everything. I can endure and persevere because I remember what He told me. It does not mean that the road He has me on will not be hard or still under attack by the enemy but I always go back to what He said. His words are an anchor in my soul. I am learning to lean into Him more and learning to lead all at the same. When the lies come flying at me or my brothers and sisters I just keep declaring to my soul, "Be still and know that He is God." When I can not seem to stand and my emotions want to take over I am learning to lift my eyes to the Lord because my help comes from Him.

I'm building His house of prayer.