Growing Pains

So if any of you have seen the Awakening meetings they talk a lot about fire from the Holy Spirit. I didn't completely understand what that meant at first. For me I thought it meant fire for boldness to proclaim the gospel. I realize now it is so much more than that. The fire we are praying for is the fire of the Holy Spirit to melt away all the callouses on my heart to be able to know and experience God. He really is a jealous lover and wants all our hearts. He is will do whatever it takes to have our whole hearts. I received revelation the last few days of why some events have happened in the past. He was using the events to make me choose...to stop having a divided heart. I could still make a decision for or against him, but I know he chased me down. His love is so much more than I can understand. He truly wants to actually give me himself in place of my dark heart.

Sarah Edwards is a worship leader here at IHOP and her songs have ministered to my heart in this time of great growth and pain. Here are the lyrics to Dark but Lovely:


"I can’t understand this work of grace
How a perfect God would come and take my place
I can’t understand this work of grace
How a perfect God would come and take my place
The stars they don’t move You
The waves can’t undo You
Mountains in their splendor they cannot steal your heart
This God who is holy
Perfect in beauty
Awesome in glory Is ravished by my heart
Though I’m poor you say I am lovely
Though I’m dark you say I am beautiful
Though I’m poor you say I am lovely
Though I’m dark you say I am beautiful
Somehow my weak glance has overwhelmed You
And somehow my weak love it has stolen away Your heart
I can’t understand this work of grace
How a perfect God would come and take my place"

My heart can actually rest in Jesus, just letting him love me.

"I'll let you love me while I'm growing...I'll stop my striving...I'll keep running into you, into that heart of kindness. You don't despise my growing, you don't despise my journey. Good Shepherd of my soul. You love mercy...you love mercy."