HMMM

So I am finding out more of why I am here. I just thought I was following Jesus and spending time with him. He has much more in store for me as I am finding out. As I sit in his presence and soak in his love I am being convicted of so many things. One of them being judging people. I did not think this was something that I struggled with, but as I am taking all my thoughts captive and saying "I want to love what you love and hate what you hate," I find there is more of a critical spirit than I thought. So when thoughts pop up I do my best to say scripture over that person and it is changing my heart. It is changing how I view people and how I interact with them.He also has in store some "major," healing for my heart. Lies that I have listened too and effected my thought life are coming to light. I struggle with feeling rejected a lot of the time. There has been some healing in the last 6 months, but he wants to do more in this. I am so used to people, particularly men in my life saying one thing and doing another. Leaving me when I feel comfortable with them. Making promises and not keeping them. I have been realizing that is how I view God sometimes. That he will get close and then leave right when I feel comfortable, just getting close enough and then walking away. I realize I have my part in those past relationships, but that is all I have known. I have told myself for a long time that people don't see me, they don't remember me, they don't care about me and I told myself that I am "ok," with that, but not any more. As you can imagine now that I am working through these things many emotions are coming up. Emotions that I have not let myself feel in a long time. Who wants to feel rejected and go through all those emotions, right?Anyway, so I am working through a lot all while Christ is being revealed to me. That continues to be my prayer and focus of the Holy Spirit revealing Jesus to me. He is so good to do it. I am seeing his kindness, his goodness, his leadership in my life. I think back on my life and different situations where I see Jesus' leadership and lordship over my life. I am in awe of who he is. This man that cares about my heart.I wrote this a few weeks ago and wanted to share on some revelation that I had. It's kind of intimate just to give a warning. :)"

I am struck by your beauty, your sweet way of wooing me. I am in awe of what you are doing. You could have left me in pain, despair and grief. But you picked me up and held me. You held me and wouldn’t let me go. My heart was crying out, bleeding from the brokenness and your softly covered me. Your grace poured out from your eyes. I looked away again to other lovers, but I knew those eyes of yours held healing and freedom. I looked again and melted by the grace pouring out. I looked and knew no fear. I looked and found a familiar friend. You were there all along. You never left, you never left. You never left your Beloved. I am your Beloved, your desire is for me. I am learning your sweetness, your true love, powerful and mighty love, the best kind of love. Real LOVE!"